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In many families, roles quietly reverse. “A younger sibling starts worrying about the older one. A child becomes emotionally stronger than a parent. One family member becomes the problem-solver, the peacemaker or the person everyone calls during a crisis. Nobody formally gives them this responsibility. Life simply puts it in their hands,” reflected Delnna Rrajesh, psychotherapist and relationship breakthrough coach.

Rohit also spoke about getting extremely angry with his brother. “This is important because anger towards someone behaving recklessly does not necessarily mean the relationship lacks love. Very often, anger is protecting a far more vulnerable emotion underneath it: fear,” said Delnna.

 

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One of the healthiest things a family can do after surviving a difficult period is allow everyone to become who they are now, rather than permanently relating to the person they were during their worst chapter.

Sibling rivalry is often misunderstood as simple jealousy. At a deeper psychological level, siblings may compete for something far more emotional: parental approval, recognition, fairness, significance, or reassurance that “I matter just as much as you do.”

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How siblings can protect their relationship through adulthood

For siblings navigating complicated family roles, a few practices can make an enormous difference:

*Speak directly instead of creating family triangles. If your problem is with your sibling, whenever possible, speak to them rather than recruiting parents or relatives to take sides.


*Separate behaviour from identity. “That decision frightened me” leaves room for change. “You have always been irresponsible” turns a difficult chapter into a permanent character judgement.


*Set boundaries before resentment accumulates. Decide what help you can genuinely offer without damaging your own emotional, financial or physical well-being.


*Stop keeping an emotional scorecard. Healthy sibling relationships struggle under constant calculations of who received more, achieved more, sacrificed more or received greater parental attention.


*Discuss money and inheritance while relationships are healthy. Clarity, documentation and transparent conversations can prevent assumptions from becoming lifelong conflicts.


*Allow roles to evolve. Older does not always mean wiser. Younger does not always mean dependent. Success does not necessarily mean emotional strength. Families become healthier when people can outgrow the roles assigned to them in childhood.

Family matters

“The goal is not to love your family less. It is to develop a form of love that leaves room for responsibility on both sides. You can stand beside someone without carrying them indefinitely,” said Delnna.

Real healing requires something more difficult than forgiveness. It requires allowing people to evolve.

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“If someone has genuinely taken responsibility and changed, repeatedly reminding them of who they once were can keep the entire family emotionally trapped in the past. At the same time, the person who once became the responsible one needs permission to put that responsibility down. They do not have to spend the rest of their life being everybody’s protector simply because they once did it well.


A healthy family is not one in which nobody ever goes through a difficult phase. It is one in which people can struggle without being permanently defined by the struggle, support one another without losing themselves, take responsibility without carrying lifelong shame, and eventually renegotiate their roles as everyone grows,” Delnna said.