“He is obsessed with his daughter. Too much; it irritates me. Now he’s sitting in Srinagar, and he’s asking if I put pumpkin in the khichdi. I’m like, leave, you have to micromanage too much?” she said.

She added that Ali is very particular about their daughter’s care, despite the presence of both her and a nanny at home.

“He is a little extra. There is a nanny, there is me, we are here taking care of her. It’s slightly irritating,” she said.

 

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An expert on new fathers

Dr Rimpa Sarkar, PhD, Sentier Wellness, Mumbai, explained that a heightened level of involvement can be common among new fathers.

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“Some new fathers become extremely involved because becoming a parent can bring a strong sense of responsibility, protectiveness and uncertainty,” Dr Rimpa said. She shared that closely monitoring small details can sometimes provide a parent with “a sense of control and reassurance” when everything about caring for a baby feels new.

She also noted that for some fathers, being highly involved can be a way of expressing love and establishing their role in childcare.

“For some fathers, being highly involved is also a way of expressing love and finding their role in a stage where they may not be doing as much of the physical caregiving. It is not necessarily about distrust; sometimes it is simply anxiety and excitement expressed through attention to detail,” she explained.

Being an attentive parent vs overly involved

However, Dr Rimpa pointed out that there is a distinction between being an attentive parent and becoming overly involved in a way that affects the other caregiver’s autonomy.

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“An attentive parent asks questions, participates, notices changes and shares responsibility. Over-involvement can become controlling when one parent feels their way is the only correct way, repeatedly checks or corrects the other parent, or finds it difficult to trust them with routine decisions,” she said.

“The intention may still be love, but the impact can be that the other parent feels constantly monitored rather than supported,” she added.

Healthy co-parenting and micromanagement

Dr Rimpa further explained that couples can identify the difference between healthy co-parenting and micromanagement by paying attention to how decisions are made at home.

“Healthy co-parenting involves shared responsibility with room for each parent to use their own judgement. Micromanagement often feels different because there is a pattern of correction rather than collaboration,” she said.

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“If one partner starts feeling they have to justify every decision, seek approval for routine choices or worry about being criticised for doing something differently, that is worth addressing,” she added.

Dr Rimpa also suggested that couples can ease such tensions by establishing which childcare decisions need to be discussed together and where each parent can exercise individual judgement.

“Couples can reduce this by discussing which decisions genuinely need to be shared and where each parent can have autonomy, rather than trying to create one identical parenting style,” she said.