“So, there is no malice. There is no anger towards me because I told her the truth. It is very important. Instead of getting to know from outside, it is best you yourself tell. I think that is a very sensible thing that I did. She trusts me completely. I am so honest with her that so many times, I say sorry to her that you didn’t have a father with you when you were young. I say sorry to her. It’s my fault. But she understands. We all make mistakes,” she added.

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Delnna Rrajesh, psychotherapist and relationship breakthrough coach, reflected on her candid confession and said her approach stood out because she didn’t pretend circumstances were different from what they were. “As Masaba grew older, she explained more. But she also tried not to turn her own experience of the relationship into her daughter’s judgment of her father,” shared Delnna.

Here’s what you should consider

Delnna stressed that children deserve honesty. “They do not deserve emotional dumping disguised as honesty. Tell children the truth they are old enough to carry, not the entire truth simply because you are desperate to put it down. Age-appropriate truth is not lying. It is emotional responsibility,” said Delnna.

Children’s understanding develops in layers. “What they can comprehend about relationships, responsibility and human complexity at six is different from what they can understand at sixteen or twenty-six. A healthy parent allows the story to mature with the child instead of delivering the entire adult reality before the child’s emotional system has the capacity to process it,” expressed Delnna.

Children form their identity partly through identification with their parents. “When one parent is repeatedly degraded, some children experience the criticism not simply as information about another adult, but as an attack on a part of themselves. This does not mean protecting an abusive, dangerous or neglectful parent’s reputation. Safety must always come before preserving an idealised image of a parent. Where there is abuse, coercive control, violence, addiction, serious neglect or another genuine safety concern, children need protection, appropriate professional support and truthful explanations suited to their developmental age,” Delnna told indianexpress.com.

 

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An apology does not require a parent to take responsibility for everything that happened. It means taking responsibility for the part that genuinely belonged to them. “This teaches children something profound: adults can love deeply and still make mistakes. Families can contain painful chapters without pretending they never happened. Responsibility does not require shame. Children do not necessarily require perfect circumstances to become emotionally healthy adults. They need enough safety, consistency, love and truth. They need adults who are willing to repair after mistakes. They need permission to ask difficult questions. They need reassurance that adult problems were never theirs to solve. And above all, they need freedom from the burden of managing their parents emotionally,” said Delnna.

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