Feeling unattractive during adolescence is more common than many parents realise. As children grow into their teenage years and young adulthood, their perception of their appearance can become closely tied to confidence, friendships and how they believe others see them. Social media, beauty standards, and constant exposure to carefully curated images can further intensify these concerns.

The issue came into focus after filmmaker and YouTuber Farah Khan spoke about her daughters’ insecurities during a conversation with Lock Upp 2 contestant Akanksha Choudhary. Akanksha, who had participated in pageants before entering Splitsvilla, opened up about how insecure she felt about her appearance as a teenager. She told Farah, “Main toh mujhe sabse ugly lagti thi duniya mei (I used to find myself the ugliest in the entire world).”

Farah responded by drawing a connection to her own children, saying, “Please meet my daughters then! Even they feel that they are very ugly.” Akanksha, who has met Farah’s daughters, reassured her that they are “very cute”. She also spoke about becoming more confident as a woman and feeling comfortable even without makeup. Farah told her she looked beautiful on Lock Upp without makeup.

Farah has three children with her husband Shirish Kunder — triplets Diva, Anya, and Czar. While she has shared childhood photos, she has largely avoided posting recent ones.

While appearance-related insecurity can sometimes be a passing part of growing up, persistent negative beliefs about one’s looks can affect how a young person sees themselves and interacts with others. The challenge for parents is knowing when ordinary self-consciousness has crossed into something that needs closer attention. We spoke to a mental health expert to understand why young people can become so critical of their appearance and how parents can respond without unintentionally reinforcing those insecurities.

Why do teenagers develop negative perceptions of their appearance?

Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist at The Answer Room, tells indianexpress.com, “As a psychologist, I often see negative body image emerge from a combination of developmental, social and psychological factors. Puberty brings rapid physical changes, and teenagers may feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable in their changing bodies. At the same time, they become increasingly aware of how they are perceived by others.”

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Peer comparison can intensify this self-consciousness, she adds, particularly when young people compare themselves with classmates or idealised images online. Social media can create the illusion that others constantly look perfect, while filters, editing and carefully curated content remain invisible. Changing beauty standards can further reinforce the belief that there is a “right” way to look.

“Importantly, body image is not always an accurate reflection of appearance; it is strongly influenced by self-esteem, attention and interpretation. Helping young people develop media literacy, challenge unrealistic standards, value their bodies for what they can do, and build identity beyond appearance can create a much healthier relationship with themselves,” shares Khangarot.

How should parents respond when a child says they are ugly?

Parents should first respond to the emotion behind the statement, Khangarot states, rather than immediately trying to convince the child that they are attractive. Saying, ‘I can see that you’re feeling really uncomfortable about how you look,’ validates their experience without agreeing that they are ‘ugly.’

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She adds that parents can gently explore what triggered the feeling: ‘Did something happen today that made you feel this way?’ They can then broaden the conversation towards qualities, relationships, interests and abilities that have nothing to do with appearance. Statements such as, ‘Your appearance is only one small part of who you are,’ can help build a more balanced sense of identity.

“Avoid dismissing them or repeatedly providing reassurance, because this can unintentionally teach the child that feeling acceptable depends on being considered attractive. Similarly, avoid commenting negatively about their own or other people’s bodies. Most importantly, parents should model a healthy relationship with appearance and be attentive if concerns become persistent, distressing or begin affecting eating, socialising or daily life,” explains Khangarot.

When does teenage insecurity become a mental health concern?

Quick Quiz

See if you can answer this:

When can teenage insecurity about appearance become a mental health concern?

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A. When a teenager occasionally feels unhappy about their appearance.

B. When appearance-related concerns are persistent or intense and begin affecting daily functioning, relationships, eating or emotional wellbeing.

C. When a teenager spends some time grooming before going out.

D. When a teenager occasionally asks friends or family for reassurance.

Reveal the answer

✅ Correct answer: B

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Khangarot reveals that teenage insecurity is common and can fluctuate without significantly affecting daily life. It becomes more concerning when appearance-related distress is persistent or intense and begins interfering with everyday functioning. Warning signs can include excessive mirror checking or avoidance, excessive grooming, repeated reassurance-seeking, social withdrawal, avoiding photographs, or distress about specific physical features.

Changes in eating, including restrictive eating, skipping meals, bingeing, purging or excessive exercise, are particularly important warning signs. Persistent sadness, anxiety, irritability, sleep changes, declining academic performance or loss of interest in activities can also signal a deeper problem. Professional support is appropriate when these concerns persist, escalate or interfere with daily life.