Kareena Kapoor once candidly acknowledged that she has always been driven and greedy for success. As such, if she had to give her younger self a message, it would have been to keep working hard and “calm down”. “I think I was eager. Because I have seen so much with Lolo (Karisma Kapoor; elder sister)…I had seen her flops, her hits, her success, her being such a big star…that I was also in that rush… the greed to… prove to the world that I am the best. I think I had that in me. Not that I could have done it differently. But I should have told my younger self to work hard and calm down. It’s all coming your way. I shouldn’t have been like that, maybe,” she told Tweak India in a 2024 interview which has again resurfaced on the internet.

Taking some inspiration from her thoughts, we asked an expert all about such a drive.

It is an interesting reflection because there is nothing inherently unhealthy about wanting to be the best. Ambition can be a tremendous psychological resource. “It gives direction to effort, pushes us beyond comfort and helps us discover capacities we may otherwise never use. The more important question is not how ambitious we are, but where that ambition is coming from,” said Delnna Rrajesh, psychotherapist and relationship breakthrough coach.

Kareena Kapoor with Karisma Kapoor

Kareena‘s recollection of watching her sister’s career also points towards another powerful influence on ambition: our reference group. “We rarely evaluate our progress in isolation. We compare ourselves with siblings, classmates, colleagues, neighbours and increasingly thousands of people online,” shared Delnna.

Comparison can be useful when it provides information or inspiration. It becomes psychologically destructive when somebody else’s progress begins to feel like evidence that we are falling behind.

Another person’s timeline quietly becomes our deadline.

“Social media has intensified this because we are continuously exposed to outcomes without necessarily seeing the chronology behind them. We see the promotion, not the ten years preceding it; the transformed body, not every ordinary morning of discipline; the successful company, not the failed experiments; the happy photograph, not the complexity of the relationship behind it,” said Delnna.

Calm ambition is not lesser ambition

Story continues below this ad

According to Delnna, calm ambition helps prepare one meticulously, remain disciplined, accept feedback, take calculated risks and keep improving. “What it does not do is interpret every delay as failure or every rejection as evidence of inadequacy. It understands that urgency is useful when something is genuinely urgent, but living permanently in urgency can distort judgement, damage relationships and make even success difficult to experience,” said Delnna.

A healthier principle is: do everything within your control without trying to control everything outside it.

“Your preparation is yours. Your discipline is yours. Your integrity, learning, consistency and response to setbacks are yours. Timing, opportunity, economic circumstances, another person’s decision and many eventual outcomes are not entirely yours. Emotional resilience grows when we stop confusing responsibility with control,” shared Delnna.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Tweak India (@tweakindia)

Perhaps that is the deeper wisdom in Kareena Kapoor’s advice to her younger self. “ork hard, certainly. Dream audaciously. Prepare when nobody is watching. Stay disciplined when motivation disappears. Take the opportunities that arrive and create new ones when they do not. But calm down enough to experience the life you are working so hard to build. You do not have to choose between ambition and peace,” said Delnna.

Story continues below this ad