Over a decade ago, Shakeela noted in her autobiography, “I am not guilty, but I am sad.” In the early 2000s, she was the only name, aside from Mohanlal and Mammootty, who could draw massive crowds to theatres. While several mainstream films flopped, Shakeela delivered massive hits, with some of her movies earning multiple times their budgets. Although the actor’s meteoric rise through softcore adult films and subsequent downfall happened all too quickly, her name remains etched in Malayalees’ minds.

Recently, Shakeela reaffirmed her words from back then and revealed why she said them. The actor mentioned that many people around her only wanted her money and not her, which emotionally scarred her. “I am not guilty… I haven’t spoiled anyone’s life or forced anyone to watch my movies. I didn’t ruin people’s lives, so I am not guilty. I am just very sad. I’m sad because my own people just wanted my money, but not me,” she told Milestone Makers.

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‘My eldest sister betrayed me most’: Shakeela opens up

While Malayalam cinema struggled in the early 2000s with mediocre-to-lacklustre movies hitting screens back-to-back, the industry saw a resurgence of softcore adult films, with Shakeela as the biggest star among those who appeared frequently in them. Mounted on a nominal budget of Rs 12 lakh, according to Rediff, her film Kinnarathumbikal (2000) grossed Rs 4 crore, becoming a massive blockbuster and marking the beginning of the brief yet impactful Shakeela tharangam (wave) in the industry.

As the conversation progressed, Shakeela revealed that she earned around “Rs 4 crore” at the peak of her career but admitted that she never made more money than the top stars in the industry. When asked where all the money she earned went, the actor replied sarcastically, “It’s very safe with my eldest sister. She is happily settled.”

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When the interviewer asked who betrayed Shakeela the most, she noted, almost as an addition to her previous statement, “My eldest sister. I used to feel sad (that she hasn’t come to see me since). Now I pray she doesn’t come back because there’s no more money left to give her.”

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‘I was never used’: Shakeela on film industry

Despite all her life experiences, Shakeela asserted that she never felt “used” by the film industry. “People say that I was ‘used,’ but I was paid well for what I did. They gave me good money. So, they never used me in that way at all,” she noted.

The actor also maintained that she doesn’t believe anyone tried to destroy her career either. “Some say big stars in Kerala did, but I was just a small blade of grass to them. They wouldn’t do that. They’re big people with big hearts. It (her peak) was just a wave, a trend. I knew it would go away one day,” she pointed out.

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Shakeela further reiterated that she doesn’t regret the films she did even now. “That’s why you’re still interviewing me after 26 years. Why would I regret doing them?” However, she said that if she had the chance to relive her life, she wouldn’t choose the same career and would rather focus on getting a better education.

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“I’d go back and study hard from kindergarten itself. I would like to go back and maybe become an IPS officer. I didn’t like studying before; teachers used to beat me, and I hated school. Even now, I avoid going to schools ever for shooting. But my memory is better now, and I’d learn things easily,” she added.