Television actor Kamya Punjabi has opened up about the difficult years she spent in her first marriage, speaking about domestic violence, restrictions on her work and the moment she decided to leave after her daughter witnessed one of their fights.

The actor was previously married to businessman Bunty Negi, with whom she has a daughter, Aara. The couple separated after around a decade of marriage. Kamya later married Shalabh Dang in 2020.

‘I had already got the signal that he was not the one for me’

In a conversation with Siddharth Kannan, Kamya said she married her first husband at 25 after dating him for three years. She said there were signs even before her marriage that the relationship was not working, and her parents had also advised her against it.

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“We were already not getting along. We used to fight even before we got married, and things had reached a point where we should have decided not to go ahead with it—that he was not the one for me, or I was not the one for him. But you know how first love is. You feel, ‘This is it. This is the person.’ My parents also told me that this relationship was not right and that we were not right for each other. But I just didn’t want to listen.”

Kamya said she kept trying to make the marriage work because she did not want to look back with the regret that she had not done enough.

“People tell me, ‘You wasted 13 years.’ But I tried my best. I gave everything to the relationship so that I would never regret later that I didn’t try.”

But she said she eventually knew the marriage was not going to work.

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“I knew it was all a waste. No matter how much I tried, it was not going to work. Neither could I stay, nor could I leave. We were both so unhappy. Nothing was working, but we kept trying.”

‘I used to wear makeup to hide the marks’

The actor said she experienced domestic violence during the marriage and would use makeup to hide the marks on her face.

“I have been through domestic violence. There was a time when I would put makeup on my face before going out so that the marks wouldn’t show.”

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Kamya recalled once going to receive an award after covering the marks on her face with makeup. The moment made her question the contrast between the life she was presenting to the world and what she was going through at home.

“I remember going to receive an award once and feeling ashamed of myself. I thought, ‘Who am I, and what am I doing?’ I was getting beaten up at home and then going outside to receive an award. Why? What kind of life was I living? Who was I trying to prove anything to?”

She said she would spend nights crying alone.

“I have locked myself in the bathroom and cried for hours, sometimes through the entire night.”

Kamya also recalled going for rehearsals for a comedy show wearing heavy makeup to hide the marks on her face.

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“Everyone wondered why I was wearing so much makeup for a rehearsal. I would cry so much in my vanity van. I was acting 24/7. Nobody knew what was happening to me.”

Kamya later found love again and married Shalabh Dang in 2020.

‘He wanted me to stop working’

Kamya said her husband wanted her to quit working, something she refused to do because she had to support her parents and family.

“He wanted me to stop working, but I said, ‘I will not leave my work. Why should I?’ I had to support my parents and my family.”

She said she was repeatedly questioned about her work, clothes and the people she was with.

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“I don’t know what his thought process was, but he was suspicious about everything. If he called every 10 minutes and I didn’t answer the phone, there would be questions about why I hadn’t picked up. ‘What is this scene? Who are you with?’ Even questions about what I was wearing.”

The constant questioning once left her so frustrated that she broke her phone.

“I once broke my phone because I thought at least the phone calls would stop and I wouldn’t have to answer so many questions. I threw the phone down and crushed it under my feet. I was so frustrated.”

The moment her daughter saw a fight

Kamya said the turning point came when her daughter witnessed a fight between her parents and began crying.

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“There came a time when my daughter saw us fighting, and she cried. That was when I decided, ‘This is not how it is going to be. I don’t want this.’”

She packed her belongings and left the house, spending some time in her car and some nights at friends’ homes.

“The moment I took my handbag, packed one pair of clothes and walked out, it wasn’t difficult for me at all. I didn’t cry even once. When I stepped out of that house, I felt like was breathing.”

She said she stayed away for around a month or a month and a half.

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“My clothes were in my car for one or one-and-a-half months, but I was happy. I had no problems, no sadness and no pain. I was peaceful.”

Kamya Punjabi with her husband, Shalabh Dang, whom she married in 2020.

‘I didn’t want anything from the divorce’

Kamya said she did not seek alimony and was prepared to raise her daughter and bear all her expenses herself. She also gave up her claim to a company in which she had invested.

“When we got divorced, I told him, ‘Write whatever you want, and I will sign it.’ I didn’t want alimony. I said I would raise my daughter and bear her expenses myself. He had a company in which I had invested a lot, but I transferred that too in his name. I didn’t want anything. I separated very peacefully.”

Kamya said the years of conflict had left her emotionally numb. Recalling her former husband’s accident, she said she was surprised by her own lack of emotion when she first received the news.

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“I feel bad today that I thought that way, but at that time, so much had already happened that I didn’t feel that concern or worry.”

She said she went to the hospital and remained calm. But the next morning, when she came home and her daughter asked about her father, the reality of her reaction hit her.

“When my daughter asked me, ‘Where is Papa?’ it suddenly hit me. I cried so much. I kept thinking, ‘What was I thinking? Why wasn’t I worried?’”

Kamya said the experiences had changed her emotionally.

“Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a heart anymore, that I have become a stone. I have seen so much that sometimes I feel nothing affects me.”

Kamya later found love again and married Shalabh Dang in 2020.